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Stress Of The Dress

23 Jan

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Big news, all: I found my wedding dress!

My mom came into town for a week, we made a bunch of appointments, tried on a lot of duds and we eventually FOUND it. Bonus: we put a deposit down so it’s partially paid for. Now that that’s done, I get to try and get a little more trim before I’m scheduled for a fitting in June.

If there’s one thing I’ve never felt in my life, it’s fat. But, whoo-ee, shopping for my wedding dress made me feel like a big ol’ whale. Anyone else find that to be a bit ironic?

Over the course of two days, mom, a few friends and I went to five different bridal salons where I tried on somewhere between 30 and 40 dresses. I was surprised, though, that some of these salons didn’t have sizes that fit me, a size 8, or a size 10 in wedding dresses. There were lots of shops where I couldn’t find dresses larger than a size 4.

I had thought that the dresses these salons kept on hand were supposed to run larger and then I would be “clipped” into the dress (have excess material pulled back) so that I could see how it actually looked fitted to my body. At least, this is how it works in movies and in the one episode I’ve seen of “Say Yes To The Dress.” (It must be true then, right?)

At one salon, a vain effort to yank the thing over my head was followed up with the instruction to “hold the dress up to my body to get the idea.” It was clear that these people expected me to make a decision using my best judgement and high hopes and then arrange for the salon to custom make me a gown from scratch. This would obviously cost me and make the salon a lot of cash so as a result I couldn’t help but feel that I was the target of a big scam. Sadly, this sales pitch was delivered to me at multiple bridal salons.

Side NOTE: My self-esteem was really put to the test when my mother said I looked “awful” and called the dress I was wearing “horrible” when I expressed some emotion towards it. Mumma Sue obviously didn’t care for that one…. You can file this incident under “one of the most traumatic moments of my life.”

I kept running into another issue: These same two dress shops seemed to ignore my notes on what I considered to be my ideal dress. I wanted a vintage-inspired dress, lace, A-line fitted, with small cap sleeves. Of course, I didn’t at first know these magic words, but I felt I did a decent job articulating what I was looking for.

For some mysterious reason, sales associates kept pulling these strapless, poofy ball gowns off of nearby racks. Initially I felt that I should be polite and respect the expertise of the stylist–But it became clear that my interests weren’t being put to heart. That quickly got old. I didn’t want to look like a Disney princess. I wanted to look like ME.

At one shop I politely expressed that these kinds of dresses weren’t QUITE what I was asking for. Her reply? “Honey, you don’t know what you want.” OH REALLY!? I almost wish I would have been a bit meaner after that. Instead I was sweet, thanked them for their time and left.

I’m happy that I didn’t lose myself to frustration or burst into tears. I kept my chin up and later that same day, I fell in love with the dress that I will be wearing on my wedding day. I can’t really reveal any details about it– you’ll all just have to wait until September to see it.

I’m overjoyed that I found the perfect dress, that makes me feel like a goddess, but I’m also VERY happy the search over. I never would have gotten through this without the support of my friends.

Prescription Drugs (Or Lack Thereof) Made me Dream of the Pool Deck and Tim Curry

3 Jan

You know how you’re not supposed to ever just STOP taking certain kinds of drugs–namely mood altering substances?

I unintentionally stopped taking a prescription medication over the holiday and the results of this have been…. Well, in a few words: Strange? Trippy? Inspiring? Something along those lines.

I’m prescribed an anti-anxiety/depression drug called Citalopram (the generic form of Celexa) and I’ve found that after the initial adjustment period, that have effectively put me more at ease.

My doctor warned me when I began taking them back in April of 2011 that it’s not a good idea to just abruptly stop taking them. If I no longer felt that the drugs were necessary, I would need to be gently weaned off to avoid hostile side effects.

I should probably preface this story by saying that I haven’t had the best of experiences with my pharmacy. I have only stayed with Rite Aid because they’re right across the street from my house. Even when the wait lines are impossibly long or they’ve forgotten to refill my prescription, I’ve stuck it out because I’m some kind of big, lazy bum.

Last week, I received a text message from my pharmacy informing me that my refill was ready to be picked up. When I arrived at the pharmacy, I was informed that no, my medicine actually wasn’t ready. They actually had no idea what I was talking about or who I was. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. My choices were to A.) Wait 15 minutes or B.) Come back the next day.

Because I’d spent the majority of my day running errands, I decided that the best thing for me to do for my tired bones and hungry belly in that moment was to just heave a heavy sigh and come back tomorrow. After all, I still had one pill left, so really there was no harm done.

Naturally, I forgot to go back the next day and when I remembered the following day, the pharmacy was already closed. The holidays combined with my forgetfulness meant that things went on like this for five-ish days.

Yesterday marked day 6 without Citalopram in my system. I woke up and felt inspired—which, honestly, this had been the first time I’d felt this way in at least two years. I wake up feeling like I could actually create something worth creating and without forcing it.

As the day wore on, I noticed that I began to feel very jittery, like I have too many cups of coffee—even for me. I was very uncomfortable and ended up picking up my drugs right after work and thankfully, these symptoms seemed to improve shortly after I took my pill for the day. Still, I couldn’t shake thinking about my morning and how I had felt. It was so nice to wake up and feel creative.

Lately, I’ve been dreaming very vividly and often. For the last two nights I’ve awoken with strange feelings that I can’t quite place. For some reason, these mind movies have given me a will to write.

Tuesday Night:

For much of my childhood, up through my adolescence, my life was structured around swimming. I was a competitive swimmer and so weeknights were dedicated to swim practice and the weekends, swim meets. The sport was for a long while my passion, but later came to be an ongoing commitment I couldn’t quite weasel my way out of. Mom called it “my anti-drug” and by the end of high school, if were it not for the social aspect, I’d probably have dramatically referred to it as my own special breed of slavery.

At age 25, I haven’t hopped into a pool with the intention of swimming across it in many a moon. But last night, I dreamt of being at my high school’s pool: the very same pool I practiced at even as a child.

Looking back on this sequence, I’m surprised by how well my memory was able to recall the facility: The accordion folded bleachers and beamed ceilings. The tiled floors and bricked walls, each in shades of sponge cake yellowish-browns that made the 1970s era deck look eternally dirty. The echoing sounds the gutters would make when few were around and no one was actually in the pool.

In the dream, swimming across the pool took much longer than I remembered, but I made it happen with the same strength and grace I used to possess as an intensely trained 16-year-old swimmer. It was a time before I wanted to abandon the sport all together and I still thought the way my painted fingers entered the water at the top of a stroke was beautiful.

I showered in the locker room with a group of unfamiliar girls. Just like we did it back then, everyone kept their bathing suits on and we borrowed each other’s shampoo, conditioner and soap. Half the showers didn’t work when I was a child and they didn’t in this dream, either. We shared. We were a team and we acted like it.

Suddenly, I felt compelled to study the unfamiliar faces around me. I realized in that moment that something was off and I felt strange. I had been trying to blend in, but the smallish group that was there knew that I didn’t belong. I was not what I seemed: a 25-year-old woman in an unsophisticated teen’s body. I realize that I’m expected to coach and to lead them, but it just isn’t right.

That’s when the mass mounds of rainbow suds and bubbles pile up around me.
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Last Night:

I’m in a Canadian hotel, a place that’s already seen it’s glory days. It’s known to me then that the actor Tim Curry frequents the place and is something of an attraction. People from all over come to dance with and take pictures with him.

From my bulky coat’s pocket I pull out a series of postcard sized photographs. One of them is of my father and his friends when they’re young. They’re all in their bathing suits, some are wearing snorkeling gear, and they’re all posed under a running shower head. Tim Curry is off to the left side of the frame. He’s completely dry, standing outside of the shower, positioned in some kind of “Thriller” dance pose.

Wandering around the hotel’s lobby, I see rows and rows of aging, framed photos. Some of them are even in black in white. In these photos, people are smiling and laughing, raising their glasses in celebration. The photos appear to have been taken inside of a fancy train car. A party-hardy Tim Curry is in many of these photos. Many of Jim Henson’s Muppets appear in others.

There are lots of bizarre statues and works of “art” throughout the hotel and Tim Curry is taking large groups on tours to see it all. For a while I follow then, but soon realize that Tim Curry and I will never meet.

I begin attempting to navigate the hotel on my own, but locating the exit turns out to be difficult. Though no one has told me, I understand that there is only one way to leave the hotel. I have to take a very specific path in a particular order.

While I attempt to figure out how many times I should I take the elevator up and down, which hallways I should take, which statues I walk by, I notice this small room. Inside is a statue that has been inspired by Tim Curry, a surrealistic take on his “Rocky Horror Picture Show” Frankenfurter role. Here I have flashes of Curry posing near this statue, cheesily grinning at a mob of photographers. Because their cameras are so massive, they all resemble cameras with legs.

I ask a man in an elevator to help me find the exit, but he’s lost, too. Instead of sticking together, though, we go our separate ways.

When I am finally able to direct myself out of the hotel, the landscape is different. I’ve apparently come out the back way and there’s a large, unkempt building across the parking lot. The building is protected by large fence that’s covered in orange rust.

The fence has a Victorian look to it, as there are lots of interesting swirls and shapes in the metal work. A tree’s branches are wrapped up in the metal. It’s such an interesting sight that I reach for my phone and take a photo of it.
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What does it all mean, you ask? I don’t know. You tell me.

I guess I’m just pleased that the vividness of these dreams got my brain juices flowing. At the same time, I’m sure you can understand that they also scared me a bit. Until I see Dr. Howard again, back on Citalopram I go.

Welcome 2013

2 Jan

In with the new!

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Welcome 2013! This is the year that I plan my wedding, get married and finish my novel. It’s been a long time since I’ve looked forward at the year to come with so much anticipation and hope.

In the year 2012, I did many things. Some were more milestone moments than others:

-Read 22 books (many of which were longer than 1,000 pages.)
-Made my first custom-made letter stamp
-Watched a lot of well-made television (”Mad Men,” “Breaking Bad,” “Deadwood,” “American Horror Story: Asylum,” “Supernatural” AGAIN, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” AGAIN, “Firefly” AGAIN, etc.) which I feel is a good thing. Good writing and interesting characters inspire me.
-Helped Phil promote his first book: “So You Created a Wormhole: The Time Traveler’s Guide to Time Travel”
-I saw photos of my grandfather for the first time
-I got promoted at work
-Ran the Tinkerbell Half Marathon wearing fairy wings. This was also my first race in my Vibram’s.
-Bought family window stickers for our car
-Discovered my now favorite watering hole: The Good Luck Bar
-Beat my Half Marathon PR in the Hollywood Half Marathon
-Earned new respect for marathon spectators and supporters when I WATCHED my first marathon (The L.A. Marathon)
-Attended the Wanderlust Yoga and music festival in Squaw Valley, Lake Tahoe.
-Saw Patti Smith in concert
-Took that RV road trip across America with my family that we’ve always been meaning to take
-Finally got around to hiking to the Forrestral Nature Preserve Sea Caves
-Went to Palm Springs
-Ate a lot of sushi, drank a lot of coffee and ordered a lot of Thai food–NO REGRETS!
-Donated to Planned Parenthood, AIDS Project Los Angeles, The American Red Cross, Equality California, Goodwill.
-I gave a lot of food and personal care items to a lot of homeless people located near my work
-Attended my first (and possibly last) Comic-Con: San Diego Comic-Con 2012! (It was fun, but very exhausting!)
-Did something I should have when we first moved out here: went to the Abbey in West Hollywood
-Fostered a kitten and adopted him.
-Facilitated the introduction of Xander to Kiwi. Very proud to say that they became best friends
-Was part of a Ragner Relay: a team race that lasted two days and one night from Los Angeles to San Diego.
-I turned 25, which I remember is the age that the child version of myself considered to be “old.”
-Gave Phil the best Christmas gift, ever: a pocket watch engraved with his initials and a very special note from me. “Wherever you may go in space and time, I will always be with you.”

I want to be clear that I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. Sure, there are lots of things I need do and focus on, but I think that if you want to get something done, you should set short-term goals and do what you need to do to achieve them. If you want to see something change, you should set to work changing it right away.

There are plenty of items on my docket for the new year, many of which I mentioned in the intro graphs to this entry: save more, eat less, more running, more reading, more writing, etc. But, above all, I want to stay focused on being a better human being. These graphics, I think, so a good job of summing up the person who I want to be. I regard them as well-stated mantras that I need to keep in mind.

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Thursday Morning Coffee and Religion Talk

9 Nov

Summers in L.A. are a little too hot for my Michigan blood.

This year was worse than past years for me: I felt like I was going to melt almost every time I stepped outside. I gave up on trying to look nice for work because my make-up would drip off my face and I was always too warm in my nicer clothes.

There was no end in sight for awhile there, either.

Likely to the annoyance of my basically snowed-in Michigan family and friends, I’ve been posting complaints about the relentless heat to my social networks.

Posts like: “Why is it in the mid ’90s in November? I wore boots and tights today. Let it go, L.A.”

It’s only just recently gotten to the point where I’m comfortably wearing tees and “boyfriend jeans” (let’s be honest, they’re basically Willow Rosenberg-style floods) while everyone else is bundled up in their down winter coats.

You can imagine how happy I was yesterday morning when the temperature dropped into the low 60s after a long night rain. The air was crisp and cool and I was looking forward to grabbing a cup of hot coffee (not iced!) during my regular commute to work.

Like every other day, Phil and I stopped for breakfast and parked our car curbside to a small strip of stores on Sunset Boulevard. While we were feeding our meter, I noticed a shivering homeless man sitting near a tree. He was holding a cardboard sign that was partially dissolved from the rain. In scribbled handwriting it read “Hungry Christian.”

“Are you hungry?” I asked him. “We’re going to Starbucks. Can we get you something to eat?”

He replied that food at the moment didn’t sound as appealing as a cup of coffee. I nodded and just as I turned to walk toward the coffee shop, he said he wanted to ask me something first.

“Are you a Christian?”

I was caught a little off guard and I’ll admit that I didn’t like where the conversation was headed, especially so early in the morning.

“No.”

He continued: “Are you Jewish? Muslim? Buddhist?”

I explained that I didn’t identify myself as a Christian or really any kind of religion. I just did my best to live my life according to what I felt was right, by the Golden rule of treating others the way I would like to be treated.

He responded by asking me about what religious text I model my life after.

Nope. No religious doctrine here. “I just try to be a good person,” I explained.

“But, how do you know what’s right?” he asked.

I answered: “I was born with morals.”

He paused before explaining to me that he abandoned all of his possessions and chose to be in his current situation. He said I should “keep” my coffee and that he wanted me to think about that, learn from it and remember it. He hoped that I found god.

I was a little stunned. This homeless man wasn’t going to accept help from me because I wasn’t “religious.”

I have always been a big fan of people with passion and religion is no exception. Good for him for having such strong beliefs.

What bothered me about this interaction, though, was how condescending he was being. He was trying to teach me some kind of lesson.

The only “lesson” I learned, though, is that his religion gave him permission to judge and dismiss me. The fact that I was a non-believer meant that he was superior to me and therefore my offer of charity wasn’t good enough for him. This felt strange to me and didn’t seem very “Christian” at all.

The more I thought about this, the more it bothered me. I thought about the fact that there were probably dozens of people, some likely supposed “Christians” or “religious” folk, who walked by him that morning alone and didn’t even acknowledge his presence, let alone offer to help him.

I was just trying to be a good person, to do the right thing for a person in need—and clearly I don’t think you need religion in your life to be a decent human being. The world can be a cruel place and we all need to take care of each other.

Before we got back into our car and headed to work, I told the homeless man that I hope he takes care of himself and he told me to do the same.

Two Places At Once

11 Sep

In a photo that was taken of me at work recently, I’m pictured wearing a comfortable plaid shirt, a messy side pony tail and scarcely any make-up.

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Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Because I wanted to watch her open the present I sent from her and my sister, we arranged a Skype date. We decided to take the picture because we realized that both of us were wearing plaid. (She’s a little hard to see, but that’s Court up in the top left corner of that photo. 2,300 miles apart and still sisters!)

To be fair, I didn’t know that someone would snap my photo–and if that was the case, I might have put a little more effort into my appearance. That being said, though, these days I’ve been keeping it pretty casual. Not sweatpants casual–Jesus, no. I just prefer to be comfortable while I do my job.

When I see women on Hollywood wearing high heels or suits, I have to wonder how they do it. It’s been a really hot summer in Los Angeles and there’s just a pair of air conditioning units to keep us cool at work. Walking around outside, even just to lunch, turns me into a sweaty mess of wet clothes and smeared make-up. So I’ve been keeping it simple–less cute and well put-together than I feel during the colder months.

I surprised myself when I looked at this photo, though, and smiled. I didn’t hate what I saw. My smile’s a little forced for the photo (I’m bad at smiling on command), but I still look happy and healthy, even. My hair’s growing–I haven’t dyed it in years– and my skin is glowing. My eyes have some twinkle to them. I’m not a scary monster without any make-up on and, more importantly, I don’t feel compelled to compare myself to other women.

In a way, I feel I’ve come full circle from age 8 to age 24. I am fully confident and sure of myself, like I was as a little girl.

Growing up was tough on me. In junior high I was a sheep, copying the way the people around me looked and acted. I eventually grew out of this before I went to high school, but still, for years had low self-esteem and didn’t feel good about the way I looked. I passively spent a lot of time thinking about how much I didn’t like myself, wishing I could be someone else.

Though it’s been years since I’ve felt this way, looking at this particular plain Jane photo, I realize how long of a journey it was before I could really embrace and love who I am.

(A hat tip to my amazing bosses) I’m wearing what I want (tees, jeans and sandals) and I don’t fuss over how my hair looks. I’m like the little girl I once was: running around doing my own things, writing as fast as I can, trying to fit every moment and every word in.

It’s a good feeling.